Both kids are napping, so I can share with you how God opened my eyes today. (He has to do that on a regular basis) Lately I've been feeling a little like someone on a deserted island in my house all day and like no one cares that I am here on the island. I have had a mixture of feeling sorry for myself or feeling that I am not all the things I want to be. I want to be thinner, make a comforting and welcoming home for Ben to come home to (i.e. clean), and a Godly and wise mother and awesome cook. Instead of welcoming Ben home the way I wanted to, I would complain or tell him how tired I was or congratulate him on getting his bike riding workout in and hand him a kid. Not real becoming. Today I was listening to this thing on Christian radio and she said some reference to Psalm 113 and being a happy mother. Now, let me just say, I know that I am blessed beyond anything I ever ever deserve and I am a happy mother most of the time. Sometimes like this week have been challenging.
This really helped me when I looked up the Psalm. The whole Psalm is beautiful, but here is verse 9: "He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children." I'm not barren, but the thing I got out of it was that it was GOD that would settle me and give me peace and ultimately make me a happy mother. What I was missing all this week was asking God how He views me, how He wants me to spend my time. There are so many things that want to cram into your time and heart. I turned on a movie this week and was astonished at the crassness of it. If I spend my time letting that into my heart, what kind of parent would I become? What kind of person?
I know I can't be all those things I listed above, but one thing I can do.. rely on the Lord to settle me. That's it really. I can make my little pizza doughs and try to clean a little here and there too.. but really, in light of eternity, what is important? That I be a follower of Christ and that I give myself sacrificially to my family and others that need peace too. I can't give that away until I get it from God myself. Well... that's it for today.
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2 comments:
Thanks for posting your thoughts on this Meredith, I can empathize with you! I know too that it is important to both of us that our kids grow in character and I find that often the wisdom, self control, or patience I try to develop in my kids is lacking in my own life. Becoming a mother is awfully soul revealing! But at least self righteousness isn't such a big deal these days :)
you got it....amen for learning a new truth about how to be content and settled in this crazy season of life....sacrifice all day every day and let God settle you and fill you with joy in the little mundane things you do every day....
it is a season. one day you will emerge and wonder how the kids got so big!
stacey
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