The Lanyard

This is a poem I read in a Martha Stuart Living magazine.  It took reading the whole thing for me to get it and like it.  It is tough making decisions as a mother sometimes.  Like tonight when I told the kids if they got out of their beds they would get a swat.  A few minutes later I hear Gwen beckoning me from the top of the stairs wanting "a kiss and a hug."  I rounded the corner and I just didn't have the heart to follow through with the spank, so she got her hug and kiss and was sent back to bed.  Then afterwards I thought... that was wrong Meredith... Gwen should have been spanked because you set a boundary and she crossed it.  Then another part of my brain said "is it so terrible to give her a hug and kiss and send her back to bed?"  So, yes, I know she should have gotten the penalty, but I get so weary of being stern.  I just want to enjoy my kids, but often in this toddler stage it doesn't happen like that.  But for tonight I'm thinking of how my own mother showed me mercy plenty of times... and I'm grateful.

From "The Lanyard" by Billy Collins


She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light
and taught me to walk and swim.
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.
Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,
and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.