She Doesn't See

She doesn't see how her disappointment affects me
how I admire her big feelings and talents
what hope I have for her future
my fear when she says "I don't believe in God" one day
and then the next day relief and interest
when I catch her crying in the back seat to a Scripture song
and she says "this song is helping me believe in God."
She is walking contradiction- fire and ice
She doesn't see how my heart warms when I call out
"I love you" from the car window as she walks into school
and she turns to me and smiles that little knowing smile.
At bedtime when she says "will you ever leave me?"
"Will you always be my mommy"
I can't guarantee a lot of things in this life,
but this I can- I will always love you Gwen.